Let's Agree to Disagree Respectfully: How Can We Teach Our Children To Be Civil?

I think most would say we do not want bullying to be tolerated in our schools. Yet, it seems the bully pulpit is alive, well and accepted in too many realms of our lives.  As educators, we have our work cut out for us!  The start of a new school year is the perfect time to establish a classroom culture which promotes mutual respect among students.  But how?  It starts with our daily conversations: the way we question students and the manner in which we allow students to engage in dialogue with one another.

When I read some of the outrageous daily rants on social media, or listen to the President of the United States call those who oppose his nuclear deal with Iran, "crazies", or contemplate Donald Trump leading the Republican polls, I wonder how many people in our country actually value teaching our children how to have a civil conversation with their peers.

Since I do believe our world, our country, our neighborhoods, our schools and our lives are better served by understanding multiple perspectives and treating one another with respect...I'll continue.

Children do not automatically come to school with the communication skills necessary to engage in a productive, respectful conversation.  That is why as educators we must begin the process of teaching appropriate communication early and reinforce it often. Socratic Method is the most effective tool for teaching thinking, speaking and listening that I have experienced. 

Too often our conversations are emotionally driven and absent of true factual evidence.  Socratic Method provides students a protocol for a respectful conversation.  This protocol allows students to agree and disagree with one another in a manner which honors all perspectives, yet requires students to cite reasons and evidence for all statements and comments on those perspectives.  The Socratic protocol requires students to defend, explain and justify their ideas and responses.  The focus remains on ideas, as opposed to merely emotion and opinions. 

I discussed the value of Socratic Seminar in my last post, If You Disagree, Unfriend Me, http://edtalkwiththelocks.blogspot.com/2015/07/if-you-disagree-unfriend-me.html.

I was asked if Socratic Seminar was only for older children.  I want to stress that children of all ages, kindergarten through high school, benefit from Socratic Method.  I might add, adults of all ages benefit, as well!  

Below are sample guidelines/student agreements for Socratic Method:

• Share the talk time as a group; be polite and take turns.
• Address others respectfully by using others’ names. 
• Agree constructively by adding and making connections to the comments of others.  Respectfully disagree constructively by saying phrases such as, “I disagree with ______ because ____________.”
• Listen by looking at the speaker and not talking while another is talking.  (No sidebars.  No interruptions.)
• Think deeply about the ideas and values expressed in the conversation, examining the various perspectives with an open mind.
• Refer to ideas and text by citing specific information and quoting actual passages and accurate information to support a point of view.  Discuss ideas rather than opinions; demonstrate poise and self-control.   (In other words, your emotions are not evidence of fact!)

Consider the main ideas in bold print: Share, Respect, Listen, Think!  These are all values we want to reinforce and instill in our children.

In his book, The Paideia Proposal, Mortimer J. Adler says, “Socratic Method is best because it prepares our children to be good citizens and to lead good human lives.”  Isn’t this our ultimate goal?